Following inspiration.

I've noticed, a lot of times when it came to weight loss, I am the worst person to go to about.
I lie to my friends about it, a lot, I lie to my fiance, again, a lot and the worst part, I lie to my self, the only person I cannot fool.

I'm getting fed up. I'm sick and tired of my growing size, I need a place to come face to face with myself, to look at pictures and say, enough is enough, Yelena. Your father would have been ashamed of you.

I have a great motivation, I want to be drop dead gorgeous for my wedding, which is in three years. I know, I sorta missed the deadline with Shannon's and Wes' wedding, but I still want to try it, again.

My father was an alcoholic when he was younger. He drank a lot and lost a lot of things and people he cared for. But one day, he took a look at his life and said "No, I will do this no longer." He quit. Cold turkey. Just like that, and despite what a lot of people say, I believe that strong will isn't a hereditary, it's an infection. One person will infect another and it never stops. I have the virus, I want to use it.

My problem is myself and my comfort zone. I have an amazing circle of friends who are incredible people. Sure, I sometimes bitch and moan about things, but I believe, I've been lucky so far and I don't know any bad people. Everyone that surrounds me, in my every day life, is an extraordinary person. I have a fiance who is possibly the second most amazing guy on this planet, after my late father. I am lucky, for he loves me for me, not for what I look like. He even proposed to me, despite the fact that I'm overweight. But I take too much comfort in that knowledge and instead of making myself better because I'm improving my own health and self confidence, I just use it as an excuse. I want to turn an excuse into support and inspiration.

My weight causes me a lot of depression issues. I usually get depressed and then I eat. I need to break that habit, I need to get rid of it, I need to stop turning to the fridge for comfort. I know, it's hard on David to see me so down on myself, so negative about myself, and although I've improved a lot since we moved in together, I am still proned to that "I am too fat to be loved" mood. I want to loose weight so I no longer make him sad, because seeing him upset because I am wishing to die over my insecurities hurts a lot more than I ever thought it would.

I will blog what I eat every day, what I do for work out and I will use this to talk myself into working out tomorrow. My goal is 8 weeks - two months. I will weight and measure myself and post the measurements here. I'll also take pictures, not nudies, don't worry.

I'm not going to obsess with the scale, I'm going to simply do it once, and do it again at the end of eight weeks.

Here we go.
Wish me luck.